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Emotions are easy to keep in. Sometimes i use logic to keep myself from experiencing an emotion i think i shouldn't be feeling. Other times i don't want to deal with the consequences that come with feeling a certain way, so i tell myself to keep it in. I supposed this is why it is so easy for me to connect with movies, music, and art at such a deep level. True story; I once cried during the movie Jack Frost one day sitting at home flipping through channels. I have yet to watch Click without sobbing. I was once super spiritually encouraged by TI- Big things Poppin'. The arts are usually the faucets of my emotions. Every so often, I come to a point where my emotions build so much pressure inside that i can't hold it in anymore.

On my way back from vacation in my old stomping grounds; Miami, to what i've been calling home for over 6 years now; Columbus, i was crammed in an uncomfortable seat with a book and a heavy heart. Seeing my friends and family after a long period of time of absence always brings these mixed emotions. People change at such a rapid pace it is amazing to watch.

My nephews and little niece are not so little anymore. It kills me that i am not in their lives, save for a few days a year. Their beginning to develop their own personalities and relationships with those around them. I was so impressed to see Evan, drop his new toys and go watch as his older brother and younger sister opened their Christmas gifts and how he rejoiced with them as their faces lit up at first glance of the toy. His tender spirit showed his family that he loves them by being available to them and wanting to be involved in their joy. He is 3. This was one of the many things that stuck in my mind tonight.

My relationship with God has always been top priority to me. Despite my sin and naivity, i still desire to experience God as intensely as possible. God has turned what i have already considered the worst year of my life into a great testiment of his unconditional love for me. My circumstances constantly threatened me to lose hope and to create my own way of defining success. But somehow God's grace and mercy prevailed. He is faithful. When i share how my 2009 ended, people usually look at me with a jealous eye. I have some friends that call it luck, but they did not see the number of times i cried out to God in prayer. Nor do they know of the host of friends and family that did the same for me. When God answers prayers it is beautiful. Luck is not in the equation.

How true it is that God is so good to his children.

With my book, God's Smuggler, in hand, i began to feel the effects of bottled up emotions. More than i once i almost burst into tears reading the first few chapters of the book. To save my neighbor the embarrassment i held back the waterworks. The author, Brother Andrew, a Dutch missionary, wrote about how God had pursued him while he was far from him, and how after he had given his life to serving God, he had experienced answer to prayer in amazing fashion. I believed he called this type of experience the Royal Way, alluding to God's Heavenly Kingdom. He mentioned that if God was the King of kings, then He can accomplish anything, so we must act as ambassadors of the most high, who never leaves us or forsakes us. Brother Andrew's testimony really called to my heart in how i must respond to God in prayer and attitude.
Setting the book aside, i realized that i have been approaching God as if he was a liaison between me and my circumstances, not as the Creator of the heavens and the Earth. He who holds the waters of the world in the hollow of his hand. This majestic and powerful God loves me. A friend of mine reminded me that if God is for us, everything and everyone in opposition must go through him first. We must let our prayers be full of faith, and always praising God for his intense love. These Emotions i can't keep in. I will pray with eagerness now for Blessings i believe he has been storing for me; for job, family, relationships, and the fruits of the spirit.

There is much else on my mind tonight, some of which involves emotions i don't know what to do with yet, although i am not too sure how necessary it is to share about that. That being said, my stay in Miami was great. I am thankful to all who made it possible for me to have had such a memorable time, and to my family who never stops showing me love.

This being my first post, i want to ask you for some grace after reading it. I also want to share that not every post will be as serious as this was. So be looking forward to some funny and creative posts as well. thanks.